sistas [all nationalities]:
have you ever felt like you do everything you can for your children and husband- making sure their needs are met, their dreams fulfilled- and you think to yourself that you are truly satisfied living in that role.
then one day you realize that [just how the older, wiser women warned] your children are growing (some leaving), your husband doesn't necessarily appreciate you in the way you feel you deserve, and aside from raising smart, respectful, ready-for-the-world children, you have virtually nothing. no fly business that you always thought you would have, no money to call your own, no degree that you were supposed to go back and get, no just-for-you accomplishments- besides the ones that came before hubby and children.
you look up and realize that although you FEEL [and probably THINK] you're still 25... your not. it dawns on you that even if you live to be 80, 80 isn't really that far off. you can remember 20 years ago as if it were merely 2 MONTHS ago, and you know for sure that if you do have until 80, the next 40 or 30 years will likely zoom by just as quickly. and what if your husband dies or leaves you, or your children grow up and eventually leave home? then what??
the panic kicks in, and while some of us actually get up off of our tails and do something, some of us don't.
obviously i am not simply throwing some arbitrary question out at you; i have owned this plight for quite some time. thankfully though, i was able to build up the strength and courage to join ranks with the former gals: i got up off of my butt and went back to work! i know this post probably makes me sound manic, but i'm not; i feel good. damn good, y'all! i had to find myself again because mu was m.i.a. i'm not that deep, so i know a whole lot of you feel where i'm coming from
and trust, i don't regret my choices of staying home with my babes, homeschooling, or even running [my husbands] restaurants because not only did i ask ALLAH for all of these things, but they benefitted us all. of course, the children being able to spend quality time with me and each other was tremendously beneficial on too many levels to even name, and homeschooling opened them up to worlds they never would have known in private or public school sectors. and while the restaurants liked to have broke a sista down (big-ups to all you restauranteurs out there!), it taught me business hands-on, and gave me confidence that i could not only cook for other people[and have them love and even pay for it!], but also teach them how to cook for themselves (2 businesses that i've started on my own).
oh, and one of the many things homeschooling has done for me (besides make me smarter, and a HUGE history buff) is teach me how to teach others. which brings me finally to the point of this post: i am back at the school i used to work, teaching grades 4, 5 and 7 (general ed.), as well as high school health. it is a private muslim school, and i'm very excited. when i worked there before the students/parents/administration liked my style of teaching, and over the past few years have asked me to consider coming back. it was really challenging at times, and (for the past year) i was trying to take some time off at home, not bogging the children down to one place while i worked. and so i REALLY debated going back, but i'm glad i did. the best thing is that the children come to work with me, so i don't have to stress about getting to the sitter before making it to work, and the 2 older ones will be in my class so i will still be teaching them.
to think, just a couple of weeks ago i was a borderline-desperate woman, and today... i can see mu breaking thru. isn't it something what prayer can do?
