sorry, marvin

well, as you can hear, i had to do away with marvin. it was just starting to get on my last, chile. i get rid of one thing from my sidebar, everything is in chaos. i had to ask myself: is marvin worth having your entries cast way to the bottom of the page? well, the real marvin, yes, but the video i had (with no marvin in it whatsoever)... well, do you hear that?? yes, silence. i do miss the sweet sound of that voice, and sincerity of his words though. [you do know he wrote that song for me, right? picked it straight out of my heart...] maybe another time when i'm feeling a bit more patient i will try it again- siiigh...

___________________

belated ramadaan mubarik!

i've been so busy with life (and my other blog) that i hadn't checked in really all ramadaan. it's been good; ALLAH is always good to my family and me. i can hardly believe that it is nearly over! what's messin' wit dat?!

it seems like yesterday that i was making a shopping list of all the things i was going to cook and bake for suhur (early morning breakfast) and iftaar (dinner/ breaking of fast). no matter how i plan though suhur always winds up looking liker this

i'm not complaining because we could have nothing at all like so many people who go hungry all day everyday. i just always want to make it extra special, since it is an extra special month. maybe next year i'll better in executing my plans. now it's time to get those 'iyd gifts together-if i can afford them. i swear these children think we have a dollar tree out in th... omg, i think i just channeled my mother! time to go...

they say it can happen anywhere-

and i guess it can.

can you believe that someone actually shot up those little amish girls? not only were they innocent (as children), but what on earth has the amish ever done to any body?? it's just too sad... too sad. what are we to do about and for our children?

may ALLAH protect us all from such hatred and evilness in our lives- amin.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061002/ap_on_re_us/amish_school_shooting

she gettin' good, she gettin' good

those are the words my [stank] 14yo ds spoke because i actually know how to transfer my digitals onto the computer now- mind you they were
words of sarcasm as opposed to encouragement, god forbid. he just doesn't realize that i

am 34 now, and fiercer than ever- heyyy! [w/ a circle snap]
-------------------------------------------------
so anyway, like many of you i love to roam about this great 'blogosphere', and in doing so i am getting inspiration and confidence in so many ways. (ie, hear that dope music? oh, makes me wanna holla, way they do my life... thanks for the idea joey)

one thing that's been inspired is my sewing. i've been sewing for years, but for some reason never had the nerve to make a simple duvet i wanted for my comforters. well, after checking out miss nikki and how far she's come in NO TIME, i had to tell myself to stop buggin', and went on ahead and did it. the fabric a beautiful brocade that i got from our local discount fabric spot for $1.50/yard, and it feels so silky soft! it didn't go the full width of the comforter, so i put strips of the same black 'silky' polyester that's on the reverse on each side. so all that apprehension, for what? now i have 2 duvet covers in 1, and all it took was some time. easy-peasy, as they say.

now if i get this picture posting thing down, i'll show the accessories i'm adding as they get done. check y'all later...

*the headboard is actually part of one of those 'drop-in' bed frames that i got the other day for free from a freecycle member. freecycle rocks, yo!

feels like heaven

not really anything in particular to write about, just trying to be good to my blog.

i'm sitting here with my sleeping baby on my lap, lights out, cd 101.9 playing in the background, its 'cool jazz' [as they call it] every so often coaxing me to a nod. it's so quiet; only my big boy and i are awake, and he's in the other room watching csi. you would think that i too would be in bed, but no way. this here is my time. my 2 middle ones are fast asleep, exhausted from another day of trying to break me. they shower me with kisses and claim that i am loved-even massage my achy, worn muscles at the end of the day- but i know they're secretly trying to drive me crazy. i mean, what else could it be?

no one in their right mind could need to be told 52,000 times [no exaggeration] to make up his bed, or to stop hitting his sister-EVERYday-right? and no sane human being could possibly want to lift her voice 600 octaves in the most nerve distorting screech ever NOT known to man, simply because her brother threw her pillow, or called her a boy. (and i won't even mention the teen--ooh, i tremble at even the thought of him. thank goodness dh takes him along to work sometimes, or i dunno...)

anyhow, this is my time and i intend to enjoy it for all that it's worth. after all, which blessing of my Lord shall i deny?

YAY!!

joey, you are seriously THE BOMB, sis!

you saved me from a truly JACKED up looking space, and i luvs you, man! 4EVA!

ooh...

aw, man. y'all gonna haveta bare with me for a minute.

i was trying to be CUTE and put some tunes on here (w/o e-mailing people to death for their help because how hard could it be right?? you just copy and paste...). well, that part happened fine- and i was ecstatic- until i realized that my posts are way down the page now. UGH, i hate that!

anyway, i'm gonna see what i can do to change it, and post again soon. send me some good vibes though, and if possible, some ADVICE.

may ALLAH grant him paradise,amin.

a good friend of ours-the community- passed wednesday. i'm sure most are hurt by this, as much as we are.

brother russle was known for his cheesecakes, pound cakes, and bean pies, but i will remember him for even more. he had my back many'o times: before i was driving if he saw me walking with my 2 oldest babies he would always give me a ride; 9 years ago as a newly wed, thinking i would either leave my or kill my husband, he would listen and offer advice, urging patience; when i wanted a way to make a few extra bucks he didn't hesitate in showing me how to make individual strawberry shortcakes, and where to get everything i needed (he even spotted me my first trays, etc. from his own inventory). while those are fond memories of brother russle, they are not memories specified only to me- he was good to many, many people. i do have one that is mine alone though.

when i went into labor with my first daughter [6 years ago] we no longer had a vehicle. so of course my husband called one of his decades-long best friends to drive us the mile to the hospital; that day i saw a whole other side to russle. he was scared to death! i couldn't believe mista play all the time, beatin' up all the lil' boys in the neighborhood, 50+ year old butt was afraid. he was zooming so fast down the freeway in his little 2-door nova type car [don't know my cars], barely breaking for stop signs that we had to ask him to take it down a bit. 'you ain't haven't a baby in my car!' he said. we died laughing, but he was serious.

anyway, he got us there safely, pulling right into the ambulance entrance. i was so grateful that before they pushed me off in the hospital wheelchair, i promised brother russle that if i had a girl, i would name her after him.

may his grave be as wide as all the collective smiles he put on our faces, and inches he put in our pants.
laa huwla walaa quwata illa billah
"there is no strength nor power except by ALLAH"
amin

oh yes! back on the block, baby!

oh, man, it's so good to be back; did ya miss me? my internet was down for awhile, but i'm back in business now. i must say, i had serious withdrawal symptoms though. if anything good came out of this it may be that i got LOTS of reading done. oh, and i found time to get back to my crocheting AND sewing. i made lots of outfits for myself, and dd. i made her this skirt we see in all the stores now, denim up top and another fabric flared at the bottom. she wanted one, but i refuse to spend lots of money on something 1) i can make myself (and probably better), 2) isn't worth all the money they ask for it. are you checking out the flimsy fabric they use for things now? it urkes me.

anyway she loves it and wears it all the time. it really makes me happy to know i've pleased her in such a way. i guess that means i'll be making her another 1- or 2.

besides purchasing fabric for clothes and such i already invision, i also have been straight HOARDING. there's a spot really close to me that sells fabric for $1-$1.50/ yard, and i don't mean junk fabric. i'm talking linen, wool, calico, fine polyester and african prints. i think i'm going to make some garments and sell them on-line- we'll see. i don't really know how to go about that in a productive way. not yet at least.

well let me go; must wake up dh. nice to be back, and i'll check in real soon.

okay-

why is it that shop-rite cashiers have to be so *#!@@#!!! GHETTO?! they just get on my last nerve!

#1) they are slower than molasses
#2) they are forever talking past you to the next cashier- which makes them move EVEN slower- about any and every ol' thing. can anybody say "discrete"??
and
#3) they have absolutely no problem not only cussin' (yeah, i said cussin') out a customer, but i have seen co-workers straight arguing in front of lines of people- LOUDLY.

where on earth are the supervisors??

i am sorry to say, i have never witnessed this behavior at any of the markets in other communities. in predominantly white, or latino neighborhoods, it's all good. even in white areas where many of the cashiers and customers are black, it's all good. so what's the problem? are our standards that low? why can we not get the same polite mannerisms that we would elsewhere? and don't even get me started on the fact bags don't have to be checked at the door at out of area markets, either-- thievery is every place, not just 'urbania'.

i'm saying, i know many of the cashiers are probably very nice people outside of tending to simple work tasks. certainly i know the pressures of dealing with the public, whether they're funky or nice. but really, somebody needs to round up these folks for an intensive work etiquette workshop because i'm sick of this mess. i mean, what does one have to do to recieve fair treatment around here, boycott?

how tempting

i
can turn a grey sky blue
i can make it rain
whenever i want it to
i can build a castle
from a single grain of sand
i can make a ship sail
on dry land
but my life is incomplete
and i'm so blue
'cause i can't get next to you...

uhn! yeah, chile. it ain't nuthin' like dustin' to some temptations up in here! talk about inspiration to get your body movin'. can't talk (talk?) much now 'cause i don't wanna lose focus of what i'm supposed to be doin', but i'll holla atcha latah, aw'ight? gots much to tell, hope i can fit it all in. respect!

see what i have to deal with?

setting:
home after runing a few errands, then returning to pick my son up from our restaurant

characters:
mu (that would be me, devoted mother of 4, unselfishly giving of my blood, sweat and tears to ensure the proper developement of the children i love and adore so very, very much [did i mention devoted? just checking.]

bilal (8 yo bratty son who claims he loves me)

act 1, scene 1:

curtain opens with mu, devoted mother of 4, dressed in full halo and harp regalia giving the son who she struggled hours in excruciating pain to bring fourth into this world [8lb, 1oz he was] a chance to show a simple gesture of love to his dear old mother.

mu: bi-la-li boo, i missed you, baby. did you miss me?

bilal: [a bit non-chalantly]um, yes i thought about you a few times.

[then, hearing his mothers "no you didn't" chuckle at his response adds:]
you should be happy because i never think about you any other time.

the end.


mu says: hurry up and turn 18 so i can throw you out...

in the blink of an eye

on the first date
he thought i was a dummy
he had the nerve
to tell me he loved me
but of course
i knew it was a lie y'all
he undressed me
with his eye balls
tryin' to change
the whole subject
'cause everything he said
pertained to sex
so i dissed him
i said you's a sucker
get your dirty mind
out the gutter
you ain't gettin' paid
you ain't knockin' boots
you ain't treatin' me
like no prostitute
then i walked away
he called me a teaser
your on a mission kid
yo, he's a tramp...

aaahhh, that's my jawn...!
they were rockin' old school joints today on 98.7 kiss. immediately my mind was back to summer '87: hill manor, elna/malika, johnson avenue, boogie down productions, just turned 15. that was my first summer without my mother. i had graduated junior high, was living with my aunt, and about to enter 9th grade.forever was at my fingertips; never did i dream that 20 years would pass in a day...

evolution

i've changed. alot.

at 33 i guess some things were bound to reform, but honestly i would have liked some to stay untouched. folks that i've run into during my journey- namely chicks that be trying to be all up in mine, na'mean- tend to force my cheek to turn though, forcing out another side of me.
now, i'm nice, caring, giving, respectful, always with a smile and good words; i'll truly go out of my way to help another. even with my extended family i am this way, and can't seem to suppress that inevitable streak of shyness that has followed me (thankfully) throughout my life. even my teenage son says i'm nice (when i'm not knockin' him up in his head, 'cause sometimes you have to save them from themselves, by any means necessary-- did i say he's a teenager?), and act more like a big sister sometimes.

with all that said, i will gladly kutt somebody when it comes to my family; nobody is unexpendable. didn't used to know if i had it in me, being an appreciative member of the 'sistahood' and all, but now i know. in the words of the great jill scott on her infamous work
' getting in the way', sometimes it's about principle and you just gotta whup somebody's ass.

my sister would be proud...

___________________________________________

but enough with violence-

i don't know how in the world to do the side bar thing to show links, etc., but i have 2 other blogs.

plantedseedz is one, and is just me touching on my perspective of things i run into during the day (news, people, etc.); seeds that have been planted, get it? it could be called political i guess, as most things are (homelessness, racial identity), but it's not 'radical'. wel, not as yet anyway-lol.

the other is homeschoolvibes and is where i tell of things we encounter throughout our day. much of the time i will be giving advice or projects that i use or have used in my 8 or 9 years of homescooling.

o-kay, that's it. y'all try and have a good day, and let me know if you've been by!

LAWD

i can hear the humming loud and clear, and see the hovering 'copter from my window; something's done happened... (read more here)

masha'ALLAH...

i just read that a couple's 5 children (4 adopted) and 2 nieces died in a fiery car wreck in florida yesterday. when their grandfather heard of the devastation, he died of a heart attack...
i can't imagine what that family is going through right now, and will go through in the coming days (weeks, months, years). may ALLAH protect my family from such hardships,Amin.

he used to be my man

sometimes i can't believe that michael jackson used to be the love of my life.he used to so pure, so beautiful. i would have gladly cut (well, not literally) anybody who talked about my man, my future husband, 'cause for sure i was gonna find homeboy one day and make him the happiest man alive. some of my [evil] family like to remind me from time to time how i cried when his hair caught fire during the taping of his pepsi commercial, and until the time he died, my father told the story of how i wore one white glove when i was younger in homage to the great mr. j. yeah, "awwww" right? well...

enter the late 80's:
o-kay, by this time the video for 'bad' had come out, and everybody was like, "wtf happened to michael??" i guess that was the begining of the end for me. long story short, from that year on michael has suceeded in pissin' me off with his ridiculus, less than who he's supposed to be antics. so when i saw him on the news this morning dressed in full islaamic purdah... all i could do was give him the usual 'you're a jerk' tooth suck,and shake my head. what are we going to do with you mike?

spo'led

it's official- my baby is 'spoiled'. everytime i get her to sleep tonight she wakes back up in almost no time, yelling at me to come and get her (she doesn't actually cry, but does this kinda baby talk/yell thing; you can tell she's miffed). how fiesty!

i can't say i'm upset about it; i make it a point to hold and carry my babies lots- much to mil's scorn- so i understand that i've conditioned her to want me. i'd just like to use the bathrom on a whim sometimes though. these days even that's a luxury...

doin' fiiiiiiine on cloud nine

it is the cutest thing to see when my daughter gets finished nursing, and she's in this sort of euphoric place between contentment and sleep. she lies there with her head slowly falling back, eyes half open, with this [dare i say goofy] partial smile on her face. she reminds me of a 'stoner dude'/ surfer type sometimes portrayed on television, like she's fixin' to say "duuude, that was sweet", or whatever the heck they say. my baby boy (8) is good with that lingo...

speaking of which, if there's anything i would like to live as via my children, like something i didn't do with my own life, but wish i could have,(not the more important things like education) it's skateboarding. not just regular skateboarding though, xtreme. it is just the coolest thing what those kats can do on boards, man. then, when you know the history of where it came from... it's just dope. and that whole vibe is me-- my children, too. now, my 13 yo has always wanted to learn how to board, and i can absolutely see him doin' his thing. but my 8 yo would be even hotter because his energy is craaazy how you probably need to be for such a sport. he's always been a climber, loves jumping, flipping, hiking, whatever. i think him on a ramp- jumping, twisting, flying- would be his utopia. maybe i will check into that...

dunya daze (a poem)

*the following poem is in the tradition of the african 'call back', in which the reciter says a verse/s and the audience calls back a response. what are in parenthesis below is the response.

saw him 'round the neighborhood

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

said to myself he looks good

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

whispered to one of my girls

gots to have him in my world

fingerplay in those tight curls

she said, you bet' go on girl!

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4 x's)

so had to come up with a way

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

to meet him, but what could i say?

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

not much of an aggressor, chile

sollution came not in awhile

batted my eyes and gave a smile

then turned and moved down the store aisle

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

he followed not too close behind

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

and asked about the name of mine

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

must show him how to play the game

said, sorry i don't give my name

and i don't mean to keep it plain

but some you know are quite insane

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

he gave back smile, teeth pearly white

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

with golden fronts, ooh, what a sight!

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

laid it on me nice and sweet

said, i don't bite, i don't eat meat

would hate to leave here in defeat

my mind ran, hid in great retreat

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

now i agreed to let him win

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

that's when the drama ushered in

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

there in my face a hand with ring

attached to one huffed up miss thing

oh what a song that she did sing

i said, my fault sis, no big thing

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

now as they left he gave a wink

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

i'm not that type, what did he think?

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

brotha best to recognize

he ain't all that although he's fine

wanted to give a piece of mind

but turned and moved on out in time

steppin' high, steppin' proud!

copyright 2003

say it isn't so!

far be it from me to sweat anybody too tough, especially celebrities. there is just something in my egotistical make-up (?) that won't allow such things for people who- for the most part, and in my estimation- are utterly shallow, untouched by reality, and in many cases undeserving of the praise and dividends they receive. i mean really, who is more fitting for such, a teacher that struggles each day to school a class full of students (with all different personalities) not just the basic mandated curricula, but also how to be positive, law abiding citizens who will one day take over this sick world we've created for ourselves, or lindsay lohan/paris hilton/usher? shouldn't some guy who takes ample time out of his day to be a big brother to a little boy up the block, or regularly makes it a point to buy a burger and fries for a homeless person on his way from work, be hounded by cameras and press everywhere he goes, having questions thrown at him, like: "how do you prepare yourself mentally for such roles?" "oh, you look absolutely fabulous! who are you wearing, k-mart? sears?"

... aw'ight, you get my point. i know i have issues, but i'm just saying, can those who really work hard to contribute something positive to the world get a pound?? i'm all for artists (i said artists) getting paid for their art, but entertainers get taken too damn (ahem) seriously these days...

anyway, i don't pay celebs too much attention, but i have to say, this whole jessica and nick separation thing is hurting my heart. of course, we're used to hearing of 'hollywood couples' breaking up, way sooner than these two. the reason why i think i'm sort of sorrowful though is because:1) she really seemed as if she had a kind of spiritual foundation when she came out, 2) she married a virgin, and was very proud of her chastity (i was proud of her, too), 3) they seemed very much in love and respectful of one another with a big, wonderful future ahead of them.

keeping in mind that i don't know these people, and have absolutely no idea why they decided on this, i have managed to come up with some theories (from a woman's point of view?). firstly, i don't see the entertainment industry being a place for anybody looking for spiritual or religious peace. from what i understand, jessica initially wanted to do gospel, but wound up in pop- first mistake; ain't nothing but the devil all up in that piece. secondly, from the out-out side looking in, it seems that she just started getting more confident in herself, which unfortunately in our generation manifests itself by wearing less and less clothes, and oft times feeling like we can do w/o certain male counterparts. ultimately, i think she shed some (or alot) of the innocence she started out with, and maybe felt that she 'missed out' on some stuff getting married so early, etc. whether they split because of infedelity or what, when a woman doesn't have to 'depend' on anyone, there's less stuff she's willing to accept, deal with, or fight for.
whatever they're going through, i hope they can work it out because i hate divorce (unless it's absolutely necessary). i heard a story once:

all day long shaytaan's (satan's- curse him) helpers came to him with all the evil things they had done. if one had caused someone to commit suicide, rape or something, he would just be non-chalant, like "yeah, that's nice, whatever". but when one came and said, "i have caused a couple to divorce", he would be very happy and say, "you have done very well!"

alright, that's enough of my rambling. i wonder if i'm the only one pondering this way too much...