something mu

house!

2011-03-21T01:26:00.000-07:00

polygamy: why not?

2011-03-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

my girlfriend texted me a couple of months ago saying that i should turn to the cable channel tlc. i obliged, and about three hours into watching several episodes of the show she suggested determined that i was hooked, a newly recruited fan.

the show is called "sister wives", and follows the real-life polygamist marriage of utah native koby brown, his four wives, and their family. normally i am not one to watch reality shows, but my girlfriend and i are of those who find absolutely nothing wrong with the concept of "sharing" a man, certainly if the relationship exists within a realm of love, respect, honor, and committment. such a lifestyle is one that most tend to shun in the open (though i suspect they don't behind closed doors), so the fact that a family was brave enough to divulge themselves to the public fascinated me. besides that i am always interested to see how those from other backgrounds, cultures, and religions practice this way of life.

one of the things i think may stand out for many viewers is how "normal" (to use the words of an interviewer) they all seem. the browns all work, partake in regular past times, and have children who appear to be happy. the only thing that may not be normal in relation to the rest of the country is that koby has managed to stay married for 21, 18, and 17 years to each of his first three wives, the fourth being 9 months thus far. in a culture that welcomes divorce about 50 percent of the time, that's saying something big.

in the past, popular public information about polygamy has come via media probes of so-called religious cults who marry children and their close relatives, or mooch off tax payers by collecting welfare benefits. then of course there is the hbo hit series "big love" which portrays yet another view-albeit fictional- of how polygamist relationships flow.

the thing that always riles me is how people tend to point the finger at couples who choose to live this way. according to recent headlines the browns are not only in danger of imprisonment on bigamy charges, but of losing their children. so far as i know, they have not attempted to have each of the marriages acknowledged by state law which takes the charge of "bigamy" off the table. also, unlike polygamy cases we've heard of in the past, all the women were adults at the time of marriage, and chose to do so of their own free will. so what is the problem? in my opinion, it is nothing more than good ol' prejudice, fear of something not understood... or is it?

it seems more than a bit hypocritical that so many gasp at the thought of a man having multiple women, being open about it, and the women being fine with it, when this is something deeply ingrained in our [american] society. "as long as he knows to come back home at night" is almost a mantra among married women, used by many a girlfriend or mother to console a broken heart. hilary clinton, former first lady of the united states, admitted that she knew her husband cheated for years before she was humiliated the world over by his affair with monica lewinsky, but chalked it up to him having "a problem". hugh hefner is the envy of millions of men, and his live-in girlfriends are celebrated for their "status". even clergy and celebrities are not exempt from such lifestyles; reverend jesse jackson had a "love child" outside of his marriage, and kim porter is famous for being p. diddy's main squeeze, baring their children while he publicly dates other women.

i don't understand why [at it's jist] it is perfectly alright for adulterous affairs to carry on, children denied the right to their name and heritage, but when a man stands up to say, "hey, these are my WIVES and children whom i love and care for, and whom love and care for me" there is a serious problem. polygamists should serve years in prison, but adulterers run free. polygamists shouldn't raise children, but neil patrick harris and his partner make people magazine cover for adopting twins together. maybe koby brown and his last three wives should say they're not married, just cheating on the first wife so the courts will leave them alone. obviously that seems more logical and just in the eyes of the law; who cares about a bunch of women and children anyway?

Lest We Forget

2011-02-21T16:29:00.000-08:00

(from my facebook page)

i debated on whether i should use this picture for my profile, or one of young emmett as he looked before he met with the devil- clean-cut, dapper, that hint of arrogance that can only come from being young and feeling yourself,believing the world is yours.

i decided on his funeral photo because i feel somethings warrant a jolt in order for the severity of its reality to be understood.

it is my opinion that in 2011, when the internet has made the ability to have "friends" of all ethnicities as easy as clicking a mouse, people are no longer lynched or homes burned down due to "mixing the races" and the such, that we not only have forgotten that we stand on the shoulders of others who have fought and died for us to be able to live without those same realities, but we seemingly think that we are somehow home free. a "that was then" mentality.

so what, do we forget? do we let all their work and [BRUTAL] deaths be in vain? is it enough that we can now walk down the street hand in hand with a white woman or black man without incident (besides the obvious "looks" or under-breath remarks), eat in intergrated restaurants, or make a couple of million for shaking our ***es?? (to be continued)

strange fruit

2011-02-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs

southern trees bear strange fruit
blood on the leaves
blood at the root
black bodies swinging in the southern breeze
strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees
pastoral scene of the gallant south
the bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
the scent of magnolia sweet and fresh
then the sudden smell of burning flesh
here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
for the rain to gather
for the wind to suck
for the sun to rot
for the tree to drop
here is a strange and bitter crop

Composed by Abel Meeropol (aka Lewis Allan)
Originally sung by: Billie Holiday

2011-02-17T04:26:00.001-08:00

strange fruit

a'swingin' from the tree

ripped out the very

heart of me

look out behind

you're sure to see

this country's horrid

legacy...

Without Sanctuary: Lynching Photography of America

to be a bird in a tree

2010-12-19T02:46:00.000-08:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101218/ap_on_re_us/us_search_for_amelia

the story and mystery surrounding the disappearance of amelia earhart has always intrigued me. i wonder- if she indeed safely reached land and lived as a castaway- what it was like for her. i imagine she must have been petrified yet brave, hopeful yet hopeless. was it anything like tom hanks in "castaway"? did she and her co-pilot comfort one another, as men and women do? did they suffer much if they eventually succummed to their demise due to lack of food and water, as has been speculated? did the abandoned lose her or his mind if they did not die at the same time?

i would bet many hours were spent reminiscing about family members and events, making promises to fulfill all the goals and dreams they vowed to in their youth. oh, the things they should have done and said while they had the chance! what agony it must be to face impending death without your loved ones surrounding you, nor the hope that they would ever see you again... if that is what happened. shall we ever know?

what the feezie?!!

2008-09-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

o-kay, i publish and then view my last post, and what do i find? all of my posts are waaay down the page! what's up with that?? please, somebody help!

just can't seem to shake it...

2008-09-24T06:02:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness, I LOVE THIS SONG!!

Baby you can't go on
Wondering where you belong
Let me help you find yourself
'Cause you don't need nobody else

Ahh, you should be right here with me babe
Instead of going round this frantic town
And start messin' around
With all the lonely lonely people out there
No one to care
Why don't you come and stay with me
Because I love you so

You tell me you love me so
Why do you have to go
Everything you'll ever need
You will find right here with me

Ahh, you should be right here with me babe
Instead of going round this frantic town
And start messin' around
With all the lonely lonely people out there
No one to care
Why don't you come and stay with me
Because I love you so

Stay with me, Stay with me
Stay with me, Stay with me
Stay with me, Stay with me
Stay with me, Stay with me, Stay with me...

Ahh, you should be with me babe
Ahh, you shouldn't go no where
And all I'm trying to tell you babe
Happiness is waiting for you

So wont you stay with me?
So wont you stay with me?
I got what you need
So wont you stay with me?

Don't go nowhere baby,
don't go, no, no
I got what ya need
So wont you stay with me?

Don't go, Don't go, I love you so
Don't go, Don't go, I love you so
Don't go, Don't go, I love you so
Don't go, Don't go, I love you so

y'all remember that?? stay with me by de barge. this is one of those songs that wigs me out, even if i don't 'hear' it. i love this song so much that all it had to do was pop in my head last night, and it's been on ever since. it's ramadaan (mashALLAH), so i've been keeping away from the music [for the most part], concentrating more on playing the qur'aan. i broke down a little while ago though and tried to listen to a 30 second sample (yes, desperate, i know), to no avail; my speaker wouldn't work for some reason. that's what i get, right?.

that song though drives me mad- i can't even articulate what it does. it's like some deep-rooted, emotional/spiritual thing that makes me want to cry, and fall in love over and over again. kinda like that thing you feel when you get so overwhelmed by the sight of your child. and it's not just the music alone, nor the lyrics, but a combination of the two; it's just right on point! i love you de barge!!

RAMADAAN MUBARAK!

2008-09-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

SubhanALLAH, Ramadaan is here! This is our 4th day in, and I'm lovin' it. I can't really say why; there's just something about Ramadaan. People who don't observe it's fast [etc.] may think that it's a struggle or burden, but it really isn't- not for me or my friends/family. In fact (and many of you can vouch for me), many times when we break fast we are not even in a rush to eat. We have to of course because we know our bodies have rights over us. My point though is that there's no feeling of deprivation or anything.

Then let us not forget Ramadaan is not just about 'doing without'. The point is to elevate ourselves back to the state in which we were created, via our father Adam. Fasting from food, drink, intercourse, as well as focusing more on charity, helping those who at the time may be struggling a little harder, etc. uplifts us spiritually, and focuses the attention where it needs to be: with the One Creator, ALLAH. Yet this month is meant to be a stepping stone, a template to how we should be- and in fact are ordered to be- throughout the rest of the year. InshALLAH, we will accept the hikma (wisdom) in it and live it consistently (Amin).

I'd like to say this Ramadaan is even more special to me because my sister has come back to the deen (subhanALLAH!). She hasn't been 'practicing' for a long time, but decided enough was enough for her, and has been getting up for suhur, making her salaah, and even plans to start back dressing modestly. I'm very proud of her.

Another thing I am grateful for is the fact that Ramadaan naturally enforces a communal bond, not just at the masjid (it's beautiful to see oodles of people praying, eating and playing together every night, especially with the weather being so pleasant), but within your personal circle. I truly enjoy getting up to prepare my family's suhur, and calling around to wake up other family/friends. (How often can you phone someone 4 in the morning, and it's all good??) It's a beautiful thing, and I'm just glad I was chosen to be a part of it. ALLAH certainly does give th ebest gifts, no?

back in the work field

2008-08-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

sistas [all nationalities]:

have you ever felt like you do everything you can for your children and husband- making sure their needs are met, their dreams fulfilled- and you think to yourself that you are truly satisfied living in that role.

then one day you realize that [just how the older, wiser women warned] your children are growing (some leaving), your husband doesn't necessarily appreciate you in the way you feel you deserve, and aside from raising smart, respectful, ready-for-the-world children, you have virtually nothing. no fly business that you always thought you would have, no money to call your own, no degree that you were supposed to go back and get, no just-for-you accomplishments- besides the ones that came before hubby and children.

you look up and realize that although you FEEL [and probably THINK] you're still 25... your not. it dawns on you that even if you live to be 80, 80 isn't really that far off. you can remember 20 years ago as if it were merely 2 MONTHS ago, and you know for sure that if you do have until 80, the next 40 or 30 years will likely zoom by just as quickly. and what if your husband dies or leaves you, or your children grow up and eventually leave home? then what??
the panic kicks in, and while some of us actually get up off of our tails and do something, some of us don't.

obviously i am not simply throwing some arbitrary question out at you; i have owned this plight for quite some time. thankfully though, i was able to build up the strength and courage to join ranks with the former gals: i got up off of my butt and went back to work! i know this post probably makes me sound manic, but i'm not; i feel good. damn good, y'all! i had to find myself again because mu was m.i.a. i'm not that deep, so i know a whole lot of you feel where i'm coming from

and trust, i don't regret my choices of staying home with my babes, homeschooling, or even running [my husbands] restaurants because not only did i ask ALLAH for all of these things, but they benefitted us all. of course, the children being able to spend quality time with me and each other was tremendously beneficial on too many levels to even name, and homeschooling opened them up to worlds they never would have known in private or public school sectors. and while the restaurants liked to have broke a sista down (big-ups to all you restauranteurs out there!), it taught me business hands-on, and gave me confidence that i could not only cook for other people[and have them love and even pay for it!], but also teach them how to cook for themselves (2 businesses that i've started on my own).

oh, and one of the many things homeschooling has done for me (besides make me smarter, and a HUGE history buff) is teach me how to teach others. which brings me finally to the point of this post: i am back at the school i used to work, teaching grades 4, 5 and 7 (general ed.), as well as high school health. it is a private muslim school, and i'm very excited. when i worked there before the students/parents/administration liked my style of teaching, and over the past few years have asked me to consider coming back. it was really challenging at times, and (for the past year) i was trying to take some time off at home, not bogging the children down to one place while i worked. and so i REALLY debated going back, but i'm glad i did. the best thing is that the children come to work with me, so i don't have to stress about getting to the sitter before making it to work, and the 2 older ones will be in my class so i will still be teaching them.

to think, just a couple of weeks ago i was a borderline-desperate woman, and today... i can see mu breaking thru. isn't it something what prayer can do?

Aw'ight, now that that's done...

2008-07-21T09:01:00.001-07:00

we can kick it. What's been goin' on?

I'll tell you what's on my mind today. Last night I was watching the Run's House episode that Vanessa poses for Maxim (one of favorite shows btw). Not only was I agreeing with Angela--the clothes WERE NOT 'tastful'-- but also Run. What is the problem with being concerned with what your children/ family are doing, even after after they are so-called grown?? And what's more, why is so wrong to actual care what your parents/family will say or think about your actions, and actually using that knowledge to help yourself come to a decision? Russel and Kimora's advice was off the hook to me.

In my opinion, the fact that we usually don't care what others think [we even flaunt this fact like it's something to be honored], only about our own irrational, momentary desires which comes from the lowest part of ourselves, is what has gotten us into the fixes we are in today. What fixes, you may be asking; well, honey, where to start? We can talk on a global, national, or personal level. From global warming, to the spread of AIDS, to too many babies being born out of wed-lock, to having a daughter posing near nude and being concerned little about how it will effect her family; 'selfishness', and the ability to go for what we want, when we want, just because we want has caused many a problem.

Now a know alot of y'all will think I'm going off the deep end, like 'Alright Mu, how'd you get this from that'.

(To be cont.---sorry!)

Guess who's back???

2008-07-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all!!! Man, have I had a tough time getting back here!

First, I was off line for awhile because we had no internet. Then, when I finally got it back, there was a new way to log into Blogger: get a g-mail account (which you probably already know). So of course, I obliged. But since I hadn't had time to blog, I forgot my sign-in information, which is where the real confusion started...

Well, anyway I'm back, and I'm so excited! So many things I've been wanting to share (still so little time to do so, but I will try much more often). But first thing's first: must get some music up in here!

baffled

2006-11-22T17:48:00.000-08:00

woman slashes 5-year old nephew's throat

i feel a bit depressed.

what is going on? so much murder, so much evil-- and so close to where my family rests our heads. and so many children dying... for no reason at all. what am i to do??

sorry, marvin

2006-10-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

well, as you can hear, i had to do away with marvin. it was just starting to get on my last, chile. i get rid of one thing from my sidebar, everything is in chaos. i had to ask myself: is marvin worth having your entries cast way to the bottom of the page? well, the real marvin, yes, but the video i had (with no marvin in it whatsoever)... well, do you hear that?? yes, silence. i do miss the sweet sound of that voice, and sincerity of his words though. [you do know he wrote that song for me, right? picked it straight out of my heart...] maybe another time when i'm feeling a bit more patient i will try it again- siiigh...

___________________

belated ramadaan mubarik!

i've been so busy with life (and my other blog) that i hadn't checked in really all ramadaan. it's been good; ALLAH is always good to my family and me. i can hardly believe that it is nearly over! what's messin' wit dat?!

it seems like yesterday that i was making a shopping list of all the things i was going to cook and bake for suhur (early morning breakfast) and iftaar (dinner/ breaking of fast). no matter how i plan though suhur always winds up looking liker this

i'm not complaining because we could have nothing at all like so many people who go hungry all day everyday. i just always want to make it extra special, since it is an extra special month. maybe next year i'll better in executing my plans. now it's time to get those 'iyd gifts together-if i can afford them. i swear these children think we have a dollar tree out in th... omg, i think i just channeled my mother! time to go...

they say it can happen anywhere-

2006-10-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

and i guess it can.

can you believe that someone actually shot up those little amish girls? not only were they innocent (as children), but what on earth has the amish ever done to any body?? it's just too sad... too sad. what are we to do about and for our children?

may ALLAH protect us all from such hatred and evilness in our lives- amin.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061002/ap_on_re_us/amish_school_shooting

she gettin' good, she gettin' good

2006-09-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

those are the words my [stank] 14yo ds spoke because i actually know how to transfer my digitals onto the computer now- mind you they were
words of sarcasm as opposed to encouragement, god forbid. he just doesn't realize that i

am 34 now, and fiercer than ever- heyyy! [w/ a circle snap]
-------------------------------------------------
so anyway, like many of you i love to roam about this great 'blogosphere', and in doing so i am getting inspiration and confidence in so many ways. (ie, hear that dope music? oh, makes me wanna holla, way they do my life... thanks for the idea joey)

one thing that's been inspired is my sewing. i've been sewing for years, but for some reason never had the nerve to make a simple duvet i wanted for my comforters. well, after checking out miss nikki and how far she's come in NO TIME, i had to tell myself to stop buggin', and went on ahead and did it. the fabric a beautiful brocade that i got from our local discount fabric spot for $1.50/yard, and it feels so silky soft! it didn't go the full width of the comforter, so i put strips of the same black 'silky' polyester that's on the reverse on each side. so all that apprehension, for what? now i have 2 duvet covers in 1, and all it took was some time. easy-peasy, as they say.

now if i get this picture posting thing down, i'll show the accessories i'm adding as they get done. check y'all later...

*the headboard is actually part of one of those 'drop-in' bed frames that i got the other day for free from a freecycle member. freecycle rocks, yo!

feels like heaven

2006-09-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

not really anything in particular to write about, just trying to be good to my blog.

i'm sitting here with my sleeping baby on my lap, lights out, cd 101.9 playing in the background, its 'cool jazz' [as they call it] every so often coaxing me to a nod. it's so quiet; only my big boy and i are awake, and he's in the other room watching csi. you would think that i too would be in bed, but no way. this here is my time. my 2 middle ones are fast asleep, exhausted from another day of trying to break me. they shower me with kisses and claim that i am loved-even massage my achy, worn muscles at the end of the day- but i know they're secretly trying to drive me crazy. i mean, what else could it be?

no one in their right mind could need to be told 52,000 times [no exaggeration] to make up his bed, or to stop hitting his sister-EVERYday-right? and no sane human being could possibly want to lift her voice 600 octaves in the most nerve distorting screech ever NOT known to man, simply because her brother threw her pillow, or called her a boy. (and i won't even mention the teen--ooh, i tremble at even the thought of him. thank goodness dh takes him along to work sometimes, or i dunno...)

anyhow, this is my time and i intend to enjoy it for all that it's worth. after all, which blessing of my Lord shall i deny?

YAY!!

2006-09-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

joey, you are seriously THE BOMB, sis!

you saved me from a truly JACKED up looking space, and i luvs you, man! 4EVA!

ooh...

2006-09-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

aw, man. y'all gonna haveta bare with me for a minute.

i was trying to be CUTE and put some tunes on here (w/o e-mailing people to death for their help because how hard could it be right?? you just copy and paste...). well, that part happened fine- and i was ecstatic- until i realized that my posts are way down the page now. UGH, i hate that!

anyway, i'm gonna see what i can do to change it, and post again soon. send me some good vibes though, and if possible, some ADVICE.

may ALLAH grant him paradise,amin.

2006-09-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

a good friend of ours-the community- passed wednesday. i'm sure most are hurt by this, as much as we are.

brother russle was known for his cheesecakes, pound cakes, and bean pies, but i will remember him for even more. he had my back many'o times: before i was driving if he saw me walking with my 2 oldest babies he would always give me a ride; 9 years ago as a newly wed, thinking i would either leave my or kill my husband, he would listen and offer advice, urging patience; when i wanted a way to make a few extra bucks he didn't hesitate in showing me how to make individual strawberry shortcakes, and where to get everything i needed (he even spotted me my first trays, etc. from his own inventory). while those are fond memories of brother russle, they are not memories specified only to me- he was good to many, many people. i do have one that is mine alone though.

when i went into labor with my first daughter [6 years ago] we no longer had a vehicle. so of course my husband called one of his decades-long best friends to drive us the mile to the hospital; that day i saw a whole other side to russle. he was scared to death! i couldn't believe mista play all the time, beatin' up all the lil' boys in the neighborhood, 50+ year old butt was afraid. he was zooming so fast down the freeway in his little 2-door nova type car [don't know my cars], barely breaking for stop signs that we had to ask him to take it down a bit. 'you ain't haven't a baby in my car!' he said. we died laughing, but he was serious.

anyway, he got us there safely, pulling right into the ambulance entrance. i was so grateful that before they pushed me off in the hospital wheelchair, i promised brother russle that if i had a girl, i would name her after him.

may his grave be as wide as all the collective smiles he put on our faces, and inches he put in our pants.
laa huwla walaa quwata illa billah
"there is no strength nor power except by ALLAH"
amin

oh yes! back on the block, baby!

2006-08-25T02:23:00.000-07:00

oh, man, it's so good to be back; did ya miss me? my internet was down for awhile, but i'm back in business now. i must say, i had serious withdrawal symptoms though. if anything good came out of this it may be that i got LOTS of reading done. oh, and i found time to get back to my crocheting AND sewing. i made lots of outfits for myself, and dd. i made her this skirt we see in all the stores now, denim up top and another fabric flared at the bottom. she wanted one, but i refuse to spend lots of money on something 1) i can make myself (and probably better), 2) isn't worth all the money they ask for it. are you checking out the flimsy fabric they use for things now? it urkes me.

anyway she loves it and wears it all the time. it really makes me happy to know i've pleased her in such a way. i guess that means i'll be making her another 1- or 2.

besides purchasing fabric for clothes and such i already invision, i also have been straight HOARDING. there's a spot really close to me that sells fabric for $1-$1.50/ yard, and i don't mean junk fabric. i'm talking linen, wool, calico, fine polyester and african prints. i think i'm going to make some garments and sell them on-line- we'll see. i don't really know how to go about that in a productive way. not yet at least.

well let me go; must wake up dh. nice to be back, and i'll check in real soon.

okay-

2006-02-23T09:53:00.000-08:00

why is it that shop-rite cashiers have to be so *#!@@#!!! GHETTO?! they just get on my last nerve!

#1) they are slower than molasses
#2) they are forever talking past you to the next cashier- which makes them move EVEN slower- about any and every ol' thing. can anybody say "discrete"??
and
#3) they have absolutely no problem not only cussin' (yeah, i said cussin') out a customer, but i have seen co-workers straight arguing in front of lines of people- LOUDLY.

where on earth are the supervisors??

i am sorry to say, i have never witnessed this behavior at any of the markets in other communities. in predominantly white, or latino neighborhoods, it's all good. even in white areas where many of the cashiers and customers are black, it's all good. so what's the problem? are our standards that low? why can we not get the same polite mannerisms that we would elsewhere? and don't even get me started on the fact bags don't have to be checked at the door at out of area markets, either-- thievery is every place, not just 'urbania'.

i'm saying, i know many of the cashiers are probably very nice people outside of tending to simple work tasks. certainly i know the pressures of dealing with the public, whether they're funky or nice. but really, somebody needs to round up these folks for an intensive work etiquette workshop because i'm sick of this mess. i mean, what does one have to do to recieve fair treatment around here, boycott?

how tempting

2006-02-22T07:51:00.000-08:00

i
can turn a grey sky blue
i can make it rain
whenever i want it to
i can build a castle
from a single grain of sand
i can make a ship sail
on dry land
but my life is incomplete
and i'm so blue
'cause i can't get next to you...

uhn! yeah, chile. it ain't nuthin' like dustin' to some temptations up in here! talk about inspiration to get your body movin'. can't talk (talk?) much now 'cause i don't wanna lose focus of what i'm supposed to be doin', but i'll holla atcha latah, aw'ight? gots much to tell, hope i can fit it all in. respect!

see what i have to deal with?

2006-02-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

setting:
home after runing a few errands, then returning to pick my son up from our restaurant

characters:
mu (that would be me, devoted mother of 4, unselfishly giving of my blood, sweat and tears to ensure the proper developement of the children i love and adore so very, very much [did i mention devoted? just checking.]

bilal (8 yo bratty son who claims he loves me)

act 1, scene 1:

curtain opens with mu, devoted mother of 4, dressed in full halo and harp regalia giving the son who she struggled hours in excruciating pain to bring fourth into this world [8lb, 1oz he was] a chance to show a simple gesture of love to his dear old mother.

mu: bi-la-li boo, i missed you, baby. did you miss me?

bilal: [a bit non-chalantly]um, yes i thought about you a few times.

[then, hearing his mothers "no you didn't" chuckle at his response adds:]
you should be happy because i never think about you any other time.

the end.

mu says: hurry up and turn 18 so i can throw you out...

in the blink of an eye

2006-02-03T17:01:00.000-08:00

on the first date
he thought i was a dummy
he had the nerve
to tell me he loved me
but of course
i knew it was a lie y'all
he undressed me
with his eye balls
tryin' to change
the whole subject
'cause everything he said
pertained to sex
so i dissed him
i said you's a sucker
get your dirty mind
out the gutter
you ain't gettin' paid
you ain't knockin' boots
you ain't treatin' me
like no prostitute
then i walked away
he called me a teaser
your on a mission kid
yo, he's a tramp...

aaahhh, that's my jawn...!
they were rockin' old school joints today on 98.7 kiss. immediately my mind was back to summer '87: hill manor, elna/malika, johnson avenue, boogie down productions, just turned 15. that was my first summer without my mother. i had graduated junior high, was living with my aunt, and about to enter 9th grade.forever was at my fingertips; never did i dream that 20 years would pass in a day...

evolution

2006-02-03T04:12:00.000-08:00

i've changed. alot.

at 33 i guess some things were bound to reform, but honestly i would have liked some to stay untouched. folks that i've run into during my journey- namely chicks that be trying to be all up in mine, na'mean- tend to force my cheek to turn though, forcing out another side of me.
now, i'm nice, caring, giving, respectful, always with a smile and good words; i'll truly go out of my way to help another. even with my extended family i am this way, and can't seem to suppress that inevitable streak of shyness that has followed me (thankfully) throughout my life. even my teenage son says i'm nice (when i'm not knockin' him up in his head, 'cause sometimes you have to save them from themselves, by any means necessary-- did i say he's a teenager?), and act more like a big sister sometimes.

with all that said, i will gladly kutt somebody when it comes to my family; nobody is unexpendable. didn't used to know if i had it in me, being an appreciative member of the 'sistahood' and all, but now i know. in the words of the great jill scott on her infamous work
' getting in the way', sometimes it's about principle and you just gotta whup somebody's ass.

my sister would be proud...

___________________________________________

but enough with violence-

i don't know how in the world to do the side bar thing to show links, etc., but i have 2 other blogs.

plantedseedz is one, and is just me touching on my perspective of things i run into during the day (news, people, etc.); seeds that have been planted, get it? it could be called political i guess, as most things are (homelessness, racial identity), but it's not 'radical'. wel, not as yet anyway-lol.

the other is homeschoolvibes and is where i tell of things we encounter throughout our day. much of the time i will be giving advice or projects that i use or have used in my 8 or 9 years of homescooling.

o-kay, that's it. y'all try and have a good day, and let me know if you've been by!

LAWD

2006-01-31T19:33:00.000-08:00

i can hear the humming loud and clear, and see the hovering 'copter from my window; something's done happened... (read more here)

masha'ALLAH...

2006-01-27T13:09:00.000-08:00

i just read that a couple's 5 children (4 adopted) and 2 nieces died in a fiery car wreck in florida yesterday. when their grandfather heard of the devastation, he died of a heart attack...
i can't imagine what that family is going through right now, and will go through in the coming days (weeks, months, years). may ALLAH protect my family from such hardships,Amin.

he used to be my man

2006-01-26T05:40:00.000-08:00

sometimes i can't believe that michael jackson used to be the love of my life.he used to so pure, so beautiful. i would have gladly cut (well, not literally) anybody who talked about my man, my future husband, 'cause for sure i was gonna find homeboy one day and make him the happiest man alive. some of my [evil] family like to remind me from time to time how i cried when his hair caught fire during the taping of his pepsi commercial, and until the time he died, my father told the story of how i wore one white glove when i was younger in homage to the great mr. j. yeah, "awwww" right? well...

enter the late 80's:
o-kay, by this time the video for 'bad' had come out, and everybody was like, "wtf happened to michael??" i guess that was the begining of the end for me. long story short, from that year on michael has suceeded in pissin' me off with his ridiculus, less than who he's supposed to be antics. so when i saw him on the news this morning dressed in full islaamic purdah... all i could do was give him the usual 'you're a jerk' tooth suck,and shake my head. what are we going to do with you mike?

spo'led

2005-12-28T21:34:00.000-08:00

it's official- my baby is 'spoiled'. everytime i get her to sleep tonight she wakes back up in almost no time, yelling at me to come and get her (she doesn't actually cry, but does this kinda baby talk/yell thing; you can tell she's miffed). how fiesty!

i can't say i'm upset about it; i make it a point to hold and carry my babies lots- much to mil's scorn- so i understand that i've conditioned her to want me. i'd just like to use the bathrom on a whim sometimes though. these days even that's a luxury...

doin' fiiiiiiine on cloud nine

2005-12-24T03:40:00.000-08:00

it is the cutest thing to see when my daughter gets finished nursing, and she's in this sort of euphoric place between contentment and sleep. she lies there with her head slowly falling back, eyes half open, with this [dare i say goofy] partial smile on her face. she reminds me of a 'stoner dude'/ surfer type sometimes portrayed on television, like she's fixin' to say "duuude, that was sweet", or whatever the heck they say. my baby boy (8) is good with that lingo...

speaking of which, if there's anything i would like to live as via my children, like something i didn't do with my own life, but wish i could have,(not the more important things like education) it's skateboarding. not just regular skateboarding though, xtreme. it is just the coolest thing what those kats can do on boards, man. then, when you know the history of where it came from... it's just dope. and that whole vibe is me-- my children, too. now, my 13 yo has always wanted to learn how to board, and i can absolutely see him doin' his thing. but my 8 yo would be even hotter because his energy is craaazy how you probably need to be for such a sport. he's always been a climber, loves jumping, flipping, hiking, whatever. i think him on a ramp- jumping, twisting, flying- would be his utopia. maybe i will check into that...

dunya daze (a poem)

2005-12-13T10:46:00.000-08:00

*the following poem is in the tradition of the african 'call back', in which the reciter says a verse/s and the audience calls back a response. what are in parenthesis below is the response.

saw him 'round the neighborhood

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

said to myself he looks good

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

whispered to one of my girls

gots to have him in my world

fingerplay in those tight curls

she said, you bet' go on girl!

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4 x's)

so had to come up with a way

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

to meet him, but what could i say?

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

not much of an aggressor, chile

sollution came not in awhile

batted my eyes and gave a smile

then turned and moved down the store aisle

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

he followed not too close behind

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

and asked about the name of mine

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

must show him how to play the game

said, sorry i don't give my name

and i don't mean to keep it plain

but some you know are quite insane

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

he gave back smile, teeth pearly white

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

with golden fronts, ooh, what a sight!

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

laid it on me nice and sweet

said, i don't bite, i don't eat meat

would hate to leave here in defeat

my mind ran, hid in great retreat

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

now i agreed to let him win

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

that's when the drama ushered in

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

there in my face a hand with ring

attached to one huffed up miss thing

oh what a song that she did sing

i said, my fault sis, no big thing

(steppin' high, steppin' proud--4x's)

now as they left he gave a wink

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

i'm not that type, what did he think?

(steppin' high, steppin' proud)

brotha best to recognize

he ain't all that although he's fine

wanted to give a piece of mind

but turned and moved on out in time

steppin' high, steppin' proud!

say it isn't so!

2005-12-11T20:57:00.000-08:00

far be it from me to sweat anybody too tough, especially celebrities. there is just something in my egotistical make-up (?) that won't allow such things for people who- for the most part, and in my estimation- are utterly shallow, untouched by reality, and in many cases undeserving of the praise and dividends they receive. i mean really, who is more fitting for such, a teacher that struggles each day to school a class full of students (with all different personalities) not just the basic mandated curricula, but also how to be positive, law abiding citizens who will one day take over this sick world we've created for ourselves, or lindsay lohan/paris hilton/usher? shouldn't some guy who takes ample time out of his day to be a big brother to a little boy up the block, or regularly makes it a point to buy a burger and fries for a homeless person on his way from work, be hounded by cameras and press everywhere he goes, having questions thrown at him, like: "how do you prepare yourself mentally for such roles?" "oh, you look absolutely fabulous! who are you wearing, k-mart? sears?"

... aw'ight, you get my point. i know i have issues, but i'm just saying, can those who really work hard to contribute something positive to the world get a pound?? i'm all for artists (i said artists) getting paid for their art, but entertainers get taken too damn (ahem) seriously these days...

anyway, i don't pay celebs too much attention, but i have to say, this whole jessica and nick separation thing is hurting my heart. of course, we're used to hearing of 'hollywood couples' breaking up, way sooner than these two. the reason why i think i'm sort of sorrowful though is because:1) she really seemed as if she had a kind of spiritual foundation when she came out, 2) she married a virgin, and was very proud of her chastity (i was proud of her, too), 3) they seemed very much in love and respectful of one another with a big, wonderful future ahead of them.

keeping in mind that i don't know these people, and have absolutely no idea why they decided on this, i have managed to come up with some theories (from a woman's point of view?). firstly, i don't see the entertainment industry being a place for anybody looking for spiritual or religious peace. from what i understand, jessica initially wanted to do gospel, but wound up in pop- first mistake; ain't nothing but the devil all up in that piece. secondly, from the out-out side looking in, it seems that she just started getting more confident in herself, which unfortunately in our generation manifests itself by wearing less and less clothes, and oft times feeling like we can do w/o certain male counterparts. ultimately, i think she shed some (or alot) of the innocence she started out with, and maybe felt that she 'missed out' on some stuff getting married so early, etc. whether they split because of infedelity or what, when a woman doesn't have to 'depend' on anyone, there's less stuff she's willing to accept, deal with, or fight for.
whatever they're going through, i hope they can work it out because i hate divorce (unless it's absolutely necessary). i heard a story once:

all day long shaytaan's (satan's- curse him) helpers came to him with all the evil things they had done. if one had caused someone to commit suicide, rape or something, he would just be non-chalant, like "yeah, that's nice, whatever". but when one came and said, "i have caused a couple to divorce", he would be very happy and say, "you have done very well!"

alright, that's enough of my rambling. i wonder if i'm the only one pondering this way too much...

mother-daughter wisdom

2005-12-03T10:09:00.000-08:00

i was watching dr. christiane northrop on pbs this morning. toward the end she said that a colleague once told her that her mother had been dead 20 years, and their relationship is still changing. i -along with many members in the audience- found this amusing, though for a couple of seconds i had no idea what she was talking about. my mother passed 19 years ago, and when she did, along went the relationship. i haven't seen or spoken with her since.
then it hit me:

our relationship is ever changing, evolving. not only do i utilize the tools she gave me to survive, the traits she consciously and subconsciously passed on to me, but the older and more experienced about life and family i become, the more i learn about my mother, as woman. i understand better her struggle, appreciate more her sacrifice, long more for her presence.

i was 14 when my mother passed away [transitioned], she was 34. of course, to me she was old, though people would always give me that "oh she was so young" response whenever they were told of her age. i never truly understood where they were coming from, but now, being 33 myself, i get it. my mother gave her life, those few short years, for us. it was her choice, the same as i choose to give up many things for my children. but as a woman, i wish she had gotten to do more of the things that set her jollies off, that made her heart race with excitement. although i'm sure 7 children is alot of excitement, and she did make some time for her craftiness, i wish she had gotten more. more romantic evenings, more respect from her family... just more.

i pray ALLAH i get to live out more of my dreams, not just what is good for the family, before it is my turn to leave this place. you never know when you're next in line, and i need to keep that in mind. the first born, i truly am my mother's daughter and virtually always put everyone else in front of me. again, the older i get the more i understand my mother. in the words of my mother in law this morning- a woman has to look out for herself because everyone [a man] will take what's needed and then leave her to fend alone...

at the end of the day i want to be happy and feel accomplished, not just with my children and husband, but also with myself. i pray ALLAH my mother left here knowing what that is. may she always be protected-Amin.
-

2005-12-02T00:37:00.000-08:00

so much has happened since last i posted that i don't know where to start...
well, of course my son returned home from egypt (thank ALLAH). it's funny what difference three months can make; he had always been a toothpick of a child, but maybe the first thing i and many others noticed was how CHUBBY he had gotten! not that he's anything like most children are today-spewing out in all directions- but for him a little is alot. it took me a minute to get used to, those thick calves and all. it's wierd when your children move into that teenaged spectrum, or at least for me. not just with the physical, but the mental/emotional also. i swear that boy acts like he doesn't have any sense half the time! and let me not mention attention span... oh well, it comes with the territory i suppose. i'd hate to hear how my mother might describe me at 13, i'm sure...

well, besides my child (my baby) being back, the restaurant is still doing well. one of the things i don't necessarily dig about owning a business though is having to hire help. as i got closer to my due date (i'll touch on that deeper in a sec') it seemed near impossible to find anyone who wanted to work. when you're not looking, everybody's asking to be employed, but when it's available...idunno... the only people who really seemed to be interested were those you wouldn't want representing your food business (know what i mean?), or folks who like to cause too much darn fitna. we were finally able to find someone about a minute past the final hour, but that doesn't seem to be working. so, i'll be cutting my hiatus short and going back in much sooner than daddy and i had anticipated. it's just as well. i'm of the thinking that no one (or not many) can/will hold down something of mine the way i will...

now for the most important/ exciting happenings:
a couple of weeks ago the family and i got a wonderful blessing- a beautiful baby girl! she was certainly a pleasant surprise because not only was everyone kinda leaning toward desiring a girl a little more than a boy, i truly thought i was carrying a boy. on top of that, everybody insisted that it was a boy because of my belly position and such. of course, i can't say that i believe in those logics (everybody said my first daughter was a boy, too). i guess i thought she was going to be a boy mainly because i too was kinda leaning toward wanting another female in the house, and i thought me wanting it was enough to have it not happen. like i tell my chldren, ALLAH provides us with what we need...
anyway, we had her at home, unassisted, just daddy, the children and me. she was 9 lb 12 oz, and daddy helped her out, succioned, cut the cord, even pressed out the rest of teh placenta from my belly... he was all that, i'm very proud of him. he's still vibing off of it, and i'm sure he will be for awhile ( hopefully the rest of his life). i'm sure she and he will have a bond like no other...

Peace all

2005-07-27T02:26:00.000-07:00

peace, all! sorry it's been so long since the last entry, but my goodness it's hard to find time for writing! (a horrid reality i've struggled with for years.)
so much has been going on. i think i mentioned my husband and i reopened a restaurant... so much work and time i tell you. it's worth it because it's ours, and it is setting up so many possitive things for our children (jobs, work ethic,entrepreneurial skills, and the knowledge that you can achieve what you will through perserverance and hard work), but man am i pooped.
if anyone asked my advice about whether or not they should start a business i would give an emphatic 'yes!' however i would be certain to point out that being an entrepreneur must greatly be about the love and faith they have for their venture because for sure the money aspect doesn't usually start pouring in for a while. the food business even moreso. most of the money you make goes right back into the business, and then some. factor the emotional drainage with the financial and physical, and many days may find you questioning yourself as to if you've lost your mind for stepping so far out that darn limb. but of course, no one sees all that. everybody and their mama wants something from you because somehow they feel you have all this money falling out your butt, and want a piece of the action-- not earning it or contributing anything to 'the cause' however. my man michael baisden of 98.7 kiss-fm's 'love,lust and lies' says that you know your true friends when you have to move and when you are starting a business, and i have to agree.family and friends can oft times be your greatest barrier and negative force, but they must be overcome (or straight up kicked to the curb).
unfortunately, my husband and his huge (sappy) heart has had to learn that time and again, especially this time around. i have a huge heart too, but i am much better at reading people than he is.yet my warnings tend to fall on deaft ears-and ladies, we all know how difficult it is for our men to just take our darn advice sometimes! but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger i guess...
anyhow, to update last entry, i did go on and get that haircut, except i did it myself. i don't know how even (or not) it is, but it looks good to me. daddy was cool with it too. i did it without warning while the children and he were out, and when he came home he just said i looked pretty and that was basically it. so far as the massage, i'm still aching, chile. maybe i'll be able to make an appointent one of these days between laundering dishtowels, picking up supplies, and dealing with employees. i just hope it's not after the pregnancy... oh, speaking of pregnancy. how come when i went last week to purchase a few light weight blouses to deal with this heat, yet actually covers my rump (what's up with these fashions today, y'all??) i found myself digging further and further back on the size X rack? by the time i left the store- having visited the dressing room at least 3 times to find the right fit- i had several 3x's in my bag. now i'm really not complaining because 1) i know it's just the baby 2) the blouses are mad comfortable and 3) i really don't find anything wrong with a 'larger-sized' woman, so long as she's not sickly. i just find it fascinating though that i, miss medium (well, a little chunkier the past couple a years but still 'nice') am doning a 3x.
you know that was more fuel for my husband to insist i'm really having twins, though he says that everytime i'm with child. what can i say, i carry big. it's all good, but it does have me wondering what size child i'll be pushing out this time...ooch!... why do women insist on doing this over and again?? oh yeah, we're crazy... but if not us, then who, huh?

2005-07-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Gracious, has it really been so long?! And to think I planned to do so much writing... oh, well, can't change the past. Actually I've been busy, as I'm sure we all have. Let give you the low-down...
Firstly, I'm pregnant (yay me!). This is my fourth baby, and I -as well as my family- am very excited. For the first time I am having a planned pregnancy, though everything I 'planned' has not been realized. For one, I said that I would attend a prenatal yoga class, and about 5 1/2 months later I still haven't.I haven't yet gone for a body massage at this local muslimah's spot either, but believe, I'm on my way. She is totally awsome, specializing in reflexology and aromatherapy, and I can't wait! I also need to go and get my natural groomed (seriously). It's hard keepin a 'fro under a khimaar, and something needs to be done. I don't quite know what kind of style I'm going to get, probably something cut down a little be more, maybe tapered on the sides and in the back. My husband is not feelin' my hair too short, and you know I must keep Daddy happy (wink). I'm sure he'll dig whatever I come home with though, as I'm not a slouch when it comes to stylin', but if he doesn't, the main thing is that I'm happy, right? Anyway, it's just hair and grows back.
Oh, but back to what has been going on. My babyboy over at geminibrother.blogspot.com has gone to egypt for the summer. He's having a ball, too! He is primarily there to study the language, but is chillin' getting to know the culture and all. It's very exciting and a dream come true because he has absolutely adored studying ancient egypt and hieroglyphics for years. One of the things I am really impressed by though is the fact that in about a week he will be snorkling in the Red Sea. It's so bugged out because he couldn't even swim when he left here! (Oh, to be young and adventurous!)
Lastly-at least for writing's sake- we have opened another restaurant. Ay dios mio, what work! It's worth it in the end, and honestly, I love the people and the fast pacedness of it, but
!**g3@*!! how tiring! I did this for 5 years with our last place-homeschooling and having babies all the while- but forgot how difficult it can be... or is it mainly because I'm not twentysomething anymore?? Hmmm... Anyway, we'll get it together- it's only been a couple of weeks after all.
Check y'all later,
Mu

New in Town

2004-12-20T19:15:00.000-08:00

Salaamu 'alaykum all. I'm new around here, trying to find my way around the place. It may take a bit, but I'm determined to learn the area- down the block, 'round the corner, and up the hill.
I don't really have the time right now to go into detail of who I am or why I chose to move into this neighborhood, but I will give this much:
my name is Mumtahanah (straight out of Jersey, y'all!), and I am an African- American Muslimah. Very little, but that's all you get for now; stayed tuned though. I plan to have good articles (homeschooling, alternative healing, etc.), poetry, patterns, and what ever else happens to move me at the time.
Let me state now however, that while I am Muslimah, I don't get down with all the cliquish, debate this, debate that, mumbo-jumbo too many of us (in my opinion) waste time on in the ummah. In other words, what you will find here is me- with all my good points mixed right in with the bad because unfortunately I am... umm, what's the word... oh, human. So, in nutshell, don't be sending no bad vibes this way via neg. comments, runnin' up on a sista if you're around the way, or tryin' to attribute my personality to all Muslims. All that I offer from this tiny corner of the block is a little something mu... enjoy.
Peace
PS- Check out my baby boy over at www.geminibrother.blogspot.com (or rather have your child).